How to stop saying “I’ll be happy when..” and BE HAPPY NOW

It can be easy to fall in to the “I’ll be happy when” trap.

I’ll be happy when…
I graduate.
I move.
I finish college.
I get a different job.
I lose some weight.
I’m not sick anymore.
I’m married.
My baby starts sleeping through the night.
My kids get older.
My house sells.
I get a new smart phone.
I can eat whatever I want and never gain weight! If only!

I’ve said all these things at some point in my life. I would set my “happy when” destination and as soon as I got there I would realize there was just another “happy when” destination a little further out. I guess I was a bit slow because it took me a while see the flaw in my plan. At least I was planning on being happy some day right?

I eventually found the only “happy when” that actually works. Are you ready for it?

I’ll be happy when… I STOP saying “I’ll be happy when….!”

Take it from the queen of “I’ll be happy when,” if you don’t figure out how to be happy now there will always be something you’ll find to put in the way of your happiness.

Darn it! Wouldn’t it be nice if the only thing that had to change was our situation to find real joy? Yes, I know there are times of life that aren’t exactly conducive to waking up and doing the jig with joy every morning. (Though that image does make me laugh.) For example, I would never wish to re-live 7th grade or the first 20 weeks of all my pregnancies. I’m sure you can think of a time that was especially hard to be happy as well.

It was one of these especially hard times in my life that I learned how much I was missing out on by constantly pushing my happiness off to some imaginary day. Though it was a bitter lesson to learn I am grateful for it because it put me on a path to much needed change in my thinking.

Here’s a brief list and all the reasons why I felt completely justified in being unhappy 14 years ago. If you want the detailed story version I wrote about it here.

• My oldest child was 3, I had just given birth to my 3rd child and I didn’t have 3 arms, so that was hard.
• My husband wanted to move; I did not. We were at odds and it was hard to go with a plan that wasn’t mine. Yeah, I was stubborn.
• The housing market started a down turn the month we listed out house for sale.
• I felt completely uprooted from a life and friends I loved.
• We had to put everything in storage and move in with my parents because our house wasn’t selling.
• My family of 5 had one room and there were 6 other people already living in the 1200 sq. ft. house.
• Since I was the one at home with my kids I had to cook and clean for 11 people.
• I was getting zero sleep because my baby decided sleep wasn’t necessary.
• My husband was out of town 3 days a week and gone on weekends for his MBA so I pretty much only saw him 1 or 2 days a week.
• We decided to start building a house but didn’t do a good job choosing a contractor. Something went wrong in almost every stage of construction and a build that should have taken 6 months took 18 months.

Yeah, I know waah, waah, waah. “First world problems.” BUT, my stressful situation was very real to me. I was depressed and I wanted my old life back or my new life to smooth out. There were moments of joy, but for the most part I was WAAAAY deep in “I’ll be happy when” mode.

Then my 25 yr old disabled brother who was also living at home passed away unexpectedly on Christmas Day. That is actually a beautiful story that you can read here.

My family was heart broken. I was heart broken. With all the other things going on in my life this could have easily been my undoing. Surprisingly though, this is what snapped me out of my fog.

Finally I saw, but it was incredibly painful to see. It is a moment I don’t go back to very often because of the emotion it brings up in me. I’m willing to go there if it will help you or someone else though.

The day and weeks after my brother died I finally saw why things happened as they did; the purpose in all the trials I had been facing. The Lord was giving me a gift. I had the honor and privilege to live with my brother and help care for him during the last year of his life. (Which wouldn’t have happened if things had gone MY way.) During that year he was often the reason I did smile. His wit, humor, and unconditional love enveloped anyone near him.

You can see why it was so bitter to have this realization. I had rejected the gift Heavenly Father was trying to give me. Yes, there was a lot of good in that year but most often I was so grumpy and sorry for myself that I missed out on happiness right in front of me. I had figuratively left my beautiful gift in the corner unwrapped. I was waiting to receive the perfect box I had planned out in my mind and labeled “happy”.

Though I wish I would have done things differently; how grateful I am for that year. I have memories of my brother I wouldn’t have otherwise. How grateful I am for that year, the Lord helped me see how important it is to stop waiting for happiness and start seeking it in every moment.

An amazing thing happened as I started to see the gift I had been given. The Lord helped me to see more and more of His mercies that He had offered during that hard year. In August, just 4 months before my brother passed, I accepted a challenge given by the Prophet of my church Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley. He asked us to read the Book of Mormon by the end of the year and gave a beautiful promise if we would:

“I promise you that if each of you will observe this simple program, regardless of how many times you previously may have read the Book of Mormon, there will come into your lives and into your homes an added measure of the Spirit of the Lord, a strengthened resolution to walk in obedience to His commandments, and a stronger testimony of the living reality of the Son of God.”

I had just completed reading the Book of Mormon when my brother passed and as I looked back on the 4 months I saw how much my burdens had been lifted. Things that felt so hard before started to feel easy. I know it had given me the strength to face my brother’s passing and overcome the despair I felt. Another precious gift!

But how do I find happiness?

So here I am telling you to stop thinking “I’ll be happy when” and be happy now! Don’t miss out on the precious gifts that are all around you that you may never be able to get back. Easy right?

I know it isn’t easy. I don’t have all the answers but I do have one and I happened to find it again as I accepted the same challenge to read The Book of Mormon given by our current prophet, 13 years later.

I was reading in the saddest part of the book where Mormon and his son Moroni are recounting the entire destruction of their civilization. Why were they being destroyed?

“[They] did struggle for their lives without calling on the Being who created them.” Mormon 5:2

Life is a struggle, we can’t deny that, but it is a much harder struggle without the Lord and when we don’t…

“realize and know from whence [our] blessings come.” Mormon 5:10

How vital it is for us to recognize and show gratitude for all the mercies the Lord gives us. There are always mercies even on the days when don’t feel we can make it out of bed. Ask Heavenly Father to see them and to give you strength to take a step forward until you do.

If we want to have happiness in every situation, every day we must see the mercies and we must act even if it is a small action. We must choose the cheerful perspective.

It does help to remember…

“Know ye not that ye are in the hands of God? Know ye not that he hath all power?” Mormon 5:23

And on your darkest days turn to the hope that you will…

“dwell in the presence of God in his kingdom, to sing ceaseless praises with the choirs above, unto the Father, and unto the Son and unto the Holy Ghost which are one God, in a state of happiness which hath no end.” Mormon 7:7

Is there a time you saw blessings in a trial? Share your story here.