A guest story by Jenny Hill
It should have been a normal day. Nothing spectacular had happened, nothing catastrophic, nothing out of the ordinary. At least not out of the ordinary in our family. But I was not feeling like it was a normal day. Every tiny thing felt like a HUGE thing. Spilled milk, END OF THE WORLD. Legos left on the floor after we had already done chores, CATASTROPHIC. Someone picking on their sibling, DETRIMENTAL!
I knew I was in a bad spot, but I just couldn’t seem to get into a good spot. I tried putting myself in time out. I tried praying. I tried just working harder. Nothing was working. Finally something small happened. I don’t even remember what, but I couldn’t handle it anymore. I grabbed my car keys and left.
I think my plan was to run to the grocery store and just walk the aisles until I got control of myself. I realized rather quickly that in my haste, I didn’t grab my wallet. I didn’t have any money or even a driver’s license on me. I figured that driving around until I got pulled over would just make me feel worse, so I headed to the local park.
Luckily the park was empty. I made my way to a bench and poured my heart out to Heavenly Father. I pleaded with Him to take my “bad mood” away. I told Him how overwhelmed I felt and how usually I could deal with the busyness of life but for some reason not today. I plead for peace. It didn’t come. I’m not sure how long I stayed praying, but finally decided I had better head home so no one got too worried about me. I hadn’t even told them I was leaving.
I got in my car feeling defeated and went home. The rest of the day followed suit… nothing big happened but I still felt off, so overwhelmed, so alone. I was super excited to go to bed and try again the next day. As I knelt to pray at the edge of my bed, I began reflecting on my day. Why was I so off and why couldn’t I get over it?
Then in my mind, I heard my Heavenly Father say to me, “This is how it feels to do it on your own. This is how it feels when I don’t strengthen you.” Then my whole day made sense. I had gotten too comfortable with the Lord’s help and I had stopped expressing the gratitude that I should have been expressing. I looked back at my day and realized that without God’s strength, my life was too much for me.
“For if a man think himself to be something, then he is nothing…”
Gal 6:3
I often look back on this experience. Am I acknowledging the hand of God in my life? Am I even looking for it? I know that when I turn to the Lord and put His will first in my life, I can do anything He asks me too. I also know that when I try to do things on my own and get caught up in the pride of my heart, I can’t even complete the simplest of tasks very well.
“With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Matt 19:26
I am so very grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me enough to strengthen and bless me. And I am eternally grateful for the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ that makes all things possible!
