The time God let me know He was with me as I was struggling as a young mother.

I walked into the church building with a knot in my throat and tears pushing at the back of my eyes. I didn’t want to be there but I knew it was where I needed to be. Don’t you love it when that happens?

My strategy was to avoid eye contact at all costs.

You know you’ve done this before too. You do it because if anyone asks you if you are ok, you will melt into incoherent words and a mess of tears. The poor person who asked an innocent question will stand there wide eyed and speechless and you will desperately want to disappear.

Luckily, I made it to the door unscathed and peeked into the chapel hoping to find a seat in the very back. I wanted to make sure I could be invisible.

Unfortunately, my mom has super senses when it comes to her children. Does yours too? She immediately spotted me and waved me over to her pew near the front of the room. Plan A was foiled; on to plan B. I quickly walked with my head lowered, sat down and pretended to be very interested in the green hymn book.

Motherhood was getting the best of me that week, that month, that year! I had a newborn and 3 other small children. My husband traveled during the week and worked on his masters degree on the weekends. Do I need to explain any more?

The good news was, even though I was overwhelmed, I could still see all the joyful things around me. There were so many opportunities to laugh. Like the time I was changing my son’s diaper and I jumped backed and yelped because his poop was literally starring at me. Yeah, he had eaten one of those large crafting googlie eyes. After I realized there wasn’t an actual poop alien in his diaper I couldn’t stop laughing.

Here’s where the problem was though. No matter what I did, how often I laughed, it didn’t last. I couldn’t FEEL the joy I saw. Do you know how that is? It was as if there was something I had no control over that was shielding me from feeling lite and joyful. I was worried that I had a bit of postpartum depression.

I desperately wanted this heavy cloud to be lifted. I constantly prayed for help but it didn’t seem to be working. I started to wonder if I had a loving Heavenly Father, and if I did, why couldn’t I feel His love? Why wouldn’t He lift what I was feeling?

I went to my church meeting hoping for the relief that I needed. BUT, have you ever sat in church after a rough day and wondered if your presence was literally preventing the Spirit from being there? That is what I was feeling! I started to doubt my wisdom in coming.

The Stake President stood up to speak. That’s what we called the person who watched over several congregations in the area. He had over 1000 people in his care. My parents personally knew him and I had met him a few times before but I didn’t expect him to remember and know me.

The first words out of his mouth were expressions of how much he loved each one of us. I immediately put up a wall and his words angered me. How could he possibly love me? He didn’t know me. He didn’t know what I was feeling. Why do church leaders always say that? How could they mean it? How could it be true? Man, was I in a dark place at that moment.

My dad was sitting next to me and since I’m not exactly good at putting on a happy face he asked me what was going on.

“He doesn’t love ME, he doesn’t even know me.”

My dad looked at me with all the sincerity and confidence he could and said, “He does love you. I sit in meetings with him every Sunday and witness how much he prays and worries over all of you. If you could only see how deeply he cares for and loves you…”

“Whatever.”

I pretty much didn’t get anything out of the talks. Every word bounced off my negative countenance.

The meeting ended and I was looking forward to going home and sleeping off my bad attitude. I still didn’t want to talk to anyone so I waited in the pew for a bit as the room cleared out. Once I thought I was safe I started to stand up.

As I raised my head I was shocked to see the Stake President standing right in front of me. He was smiling at me as he extended his hand. “Hello Sister Pearce! How are you? I hope you know I sure do love you.”

The moment slowed down because it felt a bit surreal. How did he know what I had just been thinking? The love and warmth that filled me and completely replaced my bitterness was proof that this was no coincidence.

I felt like Heavenly Father was looking down at me saying, “Who did you say doesn’t love you or even know you? And don’t forget how much I know and love you either.”

In that moment I felt the reassurance that my Heavenly Father knew what I was going trough as a young mother who never felt adequate. His love gave me confidence that the cloud would lift and everything would be ok.

I’ve kept that memory tucked away for the last 12 years. The other day it resurfaced when that loving man came up to me with his same big smile and asked me how I was doing. The memory filled me with the exact love I felt the day God gave me that little miracle.

“Tell him!” Were the words that came to my mind. I realized I had never told him or his wife what he did for me that day. I had never thanked him. I’m so grateful I was able to tell him how he was a part of a small miracle that was huge to me. I hope I always listen to promptings of the Spirit when Heavenly Father needs me to help someone see how much He loves them.

Oh yeah, in case you didn’t know.

Your Heavenly Father and your Savior Jesus Christ know you personally. They know your every need, every tear, every joy. They love with a love you can’t even describe or imagine.

Have you ever had an experience that let you know how aware your Heavenly Father is of YOU?  If you can’t think of anything pray and ask for help to see and remember. Ask Him to show you His love. He will most definitely answer.

I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up. D&C 84:88

Feel free to share your story here. I’d love to hear it!