No, don’t worry. I’m not looking to get myself a sister wife. Though I have dreamt of something more like a sister maid. Someone who would do all the chores I loathe. I’ll keep dreaming.
No, I’m not condoning or making light of any of the modern day practices that have victimized innocent children and women.
So why am I announcing to the world that I am ok with plural marriage? Maybe because it used to really bother me that it was a part of my church’s past, and I know it bothers other people. I have friends who see all the good that is in my life because of my beliefs. But somehow that good disappears at one glance upon topics of my faith that are misrepresented, polygamy being one of them.
Yeah, I get it. You just hear the word polygamy and words like “crazy” come to your mind. Honestly, I used to think worse words than that. In fact, as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, plural marriage is a part of our history that I used to wish never existed.
Whenever someone would ask about my faith I dreaded the jokes and inevitable topic of “lots of wives.” I would cringe inside when it was brought up, but just keep smiling and state matter of factly that we no longer practiced it.
I knew the logical things to say. The only reason it was ever practiced was because there were more women than men in the early years of the church and the Lord needed to build up His people. It was a commandment from God, and a necessity for a short period. If the conversation progressed, I would point to times in the Bible when it was commanded for a period.
Though I understood all the right answers I still questioned it. I’ve known people who have left the church or choose not to join the church based on our history of polygamy alone. I guess I could have let it destroy my faith as well, but as I placed all the pieces of my testimony on a balance there was too much on the side of faith to make me completely walk away. I decided to put it on the shelf as one of those things I would understand better later.
It wasn’t long before I had to take it off the shelf again.
It was close to midnight. A dear friend and amazing woman had just left my home with her husband. She had texted me a few hours earlier and asked to come talk about something that was bothering her. She and her family had been learning all about our church and wanted to be baptized. They loved everything until they learned about our history of plural marriage.
I answered her questions with as much conviction as I could, praying to know the right thing to say to resolve her concerns. I realized how hard it was for me to defend something I didn’t like myself. I felt like a fraud.
As she left I turned to my husband and exclaimed, “Why does polygamy have to be a part of our history?! It would be so much easier to be a member of this church if it didn’t exist. I wish it would go away!”
Well, since you can’t just wish things away I tried another tactic. I prayed and searched for a better understanding of why.
Unfortunately, my church is largely misunderstood on this and other topics. Perhaps the outside views I had heard was part of what was feeding my distaste. I knew I had to be careful where I searched.
Often when people are curious they go to one of the many resources that paint a skewed and less than savory picture. Believe me there is PLENTY out there. Funny that the people who claim to be experts on my faith are those who hate it and have researched and presented from that foundation of hate. Their picture is presented as “unbiased fact” and people choose to believe it more than the direct source.
One of those pictures painted is that the men who practiced polygamy were womanizing perverts who wanted lots of women to use for whatever they liked. Could I just roll my eyes here? That couldn’t be further from the truth. Yeah, there are always those who decide they will practice their own self-serving interpretation of a commandment instead of what God intended, but that is the exception.
A new perspective on plural marriage.
Whether we share the same faith or not I’d like to share with you understanding about why the early Latter-day Saints were commanded to practice polygamy. It completely changed my heart and actually turned my cringing into gratitude for that part of our history.
Learning from real stories.
It is eyeopening to learn from the words of those who actually practiced polygamy. Most members of the church including the prophet Joseph Smith himself did not want to start practicing polygamy, and were so hesitant that they practiced it in secret. Some journals of polygamist Saints show how evident it was that this was an unbelievably hard trial. It isn’t like people were jumping in line eagerly waiting to be the next to enter into plural marriage. This was an incredible test of faith.
Putting things into context
My curiosity lead me to read more accurate accounts of our history. I picked up Saints, a book that put confusing things into factual context for the first time in my life. I read things I did love and didn’t love at first, but it all gave me opportunity to prayerfully seek greater understanding.
This is what I believe.
I see now that the reason I struggled so much with our history of polygamy was because I was trying to resolve and explain things through a logical rather than spiritual perspective.
I thought it was commanded by the Lord for one reason. The restored church was in its infancy. If it was to grow and bless all people with the fullness of Christ’s gospel, He needed church members to, raise up seed unto me.
But there was another just as important reason I was missing. God needed two things. First, He needed people. Second, He didn’t need just any people. He needed a STRONG and FAITHFUL people. Polygamy gave him both.
Think about it. If this was the Lord’s church (which I obviously believe) and He needed it to grow and stand strong what would He need to do?
I can’t think of anything that would test, sift, and strengthen the faith of members of the church more than the practice of polygamy. The Lord was building an unshakable foundation. He knew exactly what was needed and how to create it. Did a wise Heavenly Father see what was coming and know the Saints needed their faith to be tried and built up so they could survive the days ahead?
The church had to be immovable and able to withstand every force of evil imaginable because you better believe Satan is going to enlist his best to fight against what he fears most. It had to be created of the deepest faith and devotion. Those who didn’t leave the church over the trying command of plural marriage were built of the exact kind of zeal His groundwork needed.
There are hard things that we’ve all been through, but we “wouldn’t have it any other way” because of who we’ve become. If the church was a person, there are hard things it had to go through to become the church it is today. As time passes we may start seeing the bigger picture as to why.
Here are some other thoughts:
- Were they tried in these ways so the Lord could show them “greater things?” There are countless records of miracles among the early Saints. I have not been a witness to those kind of miracles in this day. Did they have greater faith than us because of what they had to do?
- We believe eternal marriage is the most powerful covenant we can make with our spouse and Heavenly Father. Did as many members as possible need to be endowed with as much power as possible for the church to survive with all the forces that were fighting to stop it? It truly is a miracle that the church survived with all the opposition it faced.
- Perhaps the Saints needed the law/commandment of polygamy because they needed the blessings that were predicated on that law.
There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated. And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.
D&C 130:20-21
- Was the Lord trying to prove His people as He did so often in the Old Testament?
And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.
Abraham 3:25
A final note
Whatever the topic or task, the Lord doesn’t create a people of rock solid faith and strength by giving them something that is easy to be faithful in or doesn’t hardly require faith at all. If there is a lot that is hard to believe at first, then good! As you let doubts give way to the Spirit things start to make sense. Understanding starts to shift and “the world” is what becomes hard to believe.
If anything, by their fruits you shall know them. If what I have in my life today was preserved and strengthened because of polygamy (and I now believe it was) then I will ever be grateful for and thank my Heavenly Father for his wisdom and mercy.
It has created a church that has spread across the face of the earth. It is full of devoted people who love the Lord, love their families, and love their neighbor. People who are grounded and strengthened by things like keeping covenants with God, belief in personal revelation, following a prophet appointed by God as in times past, and accessing the power of Christ’s Atonement.
We do not have all this in spite of our history, but because of our history.
How indebted I am to the prophet Joseph Smith and all he suffered and sacrificed to restore the gospel of Jesus Christ to the earth. I am ever grateful to him for having the faith to do what few people to ever live on this earth would be willing to do. Not only do I believe plural marriage was ordained by God at that time in history I am grateful for it.
8 thoughts on “Why I’m OK With Polygamy.”
Amber. I just love this so much. So grateful for your experience and testimony. And for sharing it with us.
It also reminds me of this fantastic quote from Joseph Smith. I believe it is from lectures on faith. And it is quoted in the Bible dictionary under sacrifice.
“a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has the power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation.”
You have absolutely testified of that. Thank you.
Ok one more quote. “Selective obedience brings selective blessings.”
Stretching our faith is hard, but it brings about many blessings. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you a Melissa! What perfect quotes! I really appreciate your feedback, that was a hard one to post.
Very thoughtful and helpful. Thanks!
Hey Amber! ???? I’d be interested in seeing the references for polygamy being “commanded” in the Bible? In my years of reading it I’ve not seen them. Thanks!
You are right Holly! There are no verses in the Bible that outright say “command” with multiple wives so I know it is one of those debated topics. ????In fact, as you know, it is clear in many scriptures that God’s law is for there to be one husband and one wife, even in the Book of Mormon! I’ve only found a “command” inferred in certain circumstances in the OT. Under Mosaic law “if a married man died without leaving a male heir, his brother was required to marry his widow regardless of whether he already had a wife.” And that’s why in Deuteronomy 21:15-17 men are told to treat their wives equally. Moses himself had two wives as did many of God’s prophets. Abraham’s wife Hagar was told by an angel of God to go back to Abraham and was promised multiplied seed, Genesis 15. In 2 Samuel 2 it mentions that God “gave” David wives but we all know he got a little greedy! I know with your love of the Bible you likely knew all that, perhaps we interpret it differently?
No, we don’t have the scripture where God commanded some of His prophets to have multiple wives but it is clear that they indeed had them and they were still in favor with God. The only way they could have been in favor with Him is if they were living His law and obeying His commandments, not blatantly disobeying them. (Then there was David and Solomon that went overboard and were condemned by God.)
That’s what makes sense to me at least. Sorry, that was a long answer. Thank you so much for bringing up that point, it definitely needed clarification!
A great read! Exactly how I felt about polygamy…. thank you for sharing more knowledge and a new additional perspective.
Thanks Amber!!! can’t wait to share this perspective with Jakob. I chose to become a member of this church based on a witness of the spirit. I do not question what I felt those many years ago, but you’re right, some questions are hard questions and may not have easy, succinct, concrete answers. Whenever trying questions like this arise I pray for greater peace or understanding. I have received both. The gospel is perfect and beautiful but on this Earth it is led by imperfect beings. This means, by design, we MUST turn to Him in faith so we may grow in understanding which in turn leads to greater faith.
I agree with what you said. Ive had those same thoughts for a time.
Another thing, at the same time as the Saints, there were many others (not members in the country) practicing pologamy at the same time.
The church stopped when the laws of the land changed, many others did not. It was not everyone who was asked to do this either.
I come from a pologamist family 4 generations back. The first 5 wives died in childbirth. So he needed help with his children, we are from the 6th wife. He later married 7 more.
Because of so much persecution and husbands killed or died, the widows need to be taken care of.
All the histories of my grandfather I have found in books, is of the good, honest, hardworking man he was. Many native books also mention him, and how well he treated them. He was called to do this, and Im sure just like Joseph Smith it was very hard to do.
The Lord asks us to do things to help his church go forth, and we need to listen to that revelation from our prophet, and be obediant.
I have had to learn to understand this also, and the puropses. But like others have said, it is through prayer, faith and the testifying of the Holy Ghost, that I know it was what the Lord needed to help build his kingdom of which I am so blessed to have in my life