The real reason you feel guilty of not measuring up.

“I fear that some of us understand just enough about the gospel to feel guilty. Guilty that we are not measuring up to some undefinable standard, but not enough about the Atonement to feel the peace and strength, the power and mercy it affords us.” 

Sheri Dew

That quote has described me at so many times in my life.  It was in those moments of feeling the measuring stick of my creation was way too high that the words would come to my mind.

“Wouldn’t life be easier to just walk away from the gospel?  Everything you believe is what is making life so hard.  Just let it go. Life will be so much better.  You will finally be free.  You will be happy.”

I would almost start agreeing with the thought. Then a truth deep inside would reach and grab on.  Honesty that was so sincere I must have known it for eons of time. It would pull me up from the water I didn’t realize was slowly covering my head with the intention of drowning me.  Rescued.

Still, the sweetly crafted lie was very tempting. If I had let it sweep me under I’m sure its creator would have stuck around to convince me I had made the right choice. I would have felt happy for a time.  How long would it have taken me to see that not only was I not living to the measure of my creation, but my soul was gently being suffocated?  

That is what he does and he is very good at it because…

He was a murderer from the beginning and abode not in the truth, because there is NO truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar and the father of it. 

John 8:44 KJV

If I walked away from the gospel of Christ it would not be because the gospel didn’t work for me. It would be because my incorrect beliefs about the gospel (that were causing me guilt) didn’t work for me.  

My mistake in those flashes of deception was thinking that it was the gospel that was causing me to feel overwhelmed, unworthy, never enough.  How little I understood about who God was and what His Son had done for me.    

One of the most important truths I had heard many times but did not “hear” was this:

“None of us come to earth to gain our worth; we brought it with us. “

Sheri Dew

In my last post I wrote about the moment I finally realized this truth and promised I would share some other insights that have helped me on my journey to really believing it.  

Surprisingly, I didn’t want to believe it.  In fact, I was pretty ticked off that it was true. Up until that point I did everything out of fear of not being enough, of hoping I could some day be worthy. I didn’t want to loosen my grip on my old beliefs because they had power that fueled me.

Anyone who has been chased by a dog angry mother knows fear has the power to get you moving. But, why not use something even more powerful if you can?  Fear can move you some, but it can’t move the mountains in front of you, that is left up to faith. 

I finally asked myself, 

Who will see more progression in their lives?  The person who works and works and works because they fear they are never enough? Or the person who has faith that they are enough and with that faith knows there is nothing they can’t do?

Was it possible that 2 people could be taught the same gospel and do the exact same things every day but one be miserable and the other full of joy?  

Even harder to wrap my brain around; could I do all the same good things I had been doing, but instead of feeling drained I could be full of joy?  My actions wouldn’t change at all, only my motivation and beliefs behind those actions.

Person #1 Believes they are not enough. Sets every goal to try to be enough. Always feels they are falling short. Rarely feels joy.

Person #2 Knows they are enough. Sets the same goals because of the confidence that they are already enough. Knows they are enough no matter the outcome. Lives in joy. 

Which person are you right now? Which would you like to be?

As these truths began to sink in I started having more glimpses of the power of believing I was enough as is. At first it was too far of a stretch to say without question, “I am enough.”  What I could say was, “I am enough with Christ.”  As I held on to that thought everything I could do with that belief flowed into my mind. I copied and pasted for you right from my journal. 

Maybe something will resonate with you.  

Because I believe I am enough …

I set goals that have challenged me, brought me out of my comfort zone and helped me grow.

I am excited with every prompting because Christ is my partner and knows what I am capable of because of my faith in His ability to strengthen me. I would not have received a prompting if I wasn’t enough because God doesn’t ask us to do things we can’t do.

I don’t let past mistakes bother me because I know I am worthy and enough for my Savior in every moment because of His Atonement. Everything I went through, every choice I made was a part of this beautiful process to help me learn I am enough.

I act out of love and gratitude because what love the Savior has for me to be willing to be my partner in this!   I live because of Him. I am enough because of Him. I can do anything because of Him. He lets me choose how much I want to partner with Him and patiently waits for me to find the desire to give my whole heart to him. He knows this is a process and willingly forgives me as I repent each day. He knows the path takes time but never for one moment leaves me while I am on it.   He does not condemn me.  I feel excited to see what strength I’m given each day so I can express gratitude for it. 

I am excited to see what imperfections lie in my way each day so I can repent of them.   A key to this process has been realizing that being imperfect is part of being enough. I am only enough with Christ and if I was perfect I would not need Him.  The more I need Him the better.  I glory in my imperfections because they give me opportunity to turn to Christ know that He made me who I am so that I would pursue specific things to learn, grow, and bless others with my imperfections.

I make the things that will draw me closer to Christ a priority because the more I know Him the more strength I will gain from our partnership.  I have let the Lord show me who I can be with Him and have been patient with myself as I am transformed acting through the strength that comes from knowing I am enough. 

Living the gospel no longer feels like a burden, it has been the most liberating thing I could ever do for myself!  The more I give my will, the more glorious I become because His will is for me to have JOY and reach my potential. I know it is His will to let go of my “perfect checklist” and fill my life with small and simple things bring greatness to pass. 

I wonder what your list would look like?  How would things shift if you believed you were enough? How would you finish the sentence, “Because I am enough…….”

If anything I hope we all can say, “Because I am enough I don’t feel guilt, instead I feel the peace and strength, the power and mercy Christ affords me.”

Thank you for sharing!