As a child I didn’t need lots of friends. I was happy if I had at least one friend I could turn to for anything. When I found her I was deeply loyal. She could confide anything in me and I could confide anything in her. Sometimes I chose my friend well. Other times I wasn’t so smart.
Like the time a beautiful, popular girl started talking to me. I was so shocked someone like her wanted to be my friend. I foolishly jumped right in. She wrote me a letter and asked me what boy I liked. (Yes, I lived back in the days when we wrote letters and yes, I still have a shoe box full of them.) I wrote her back on my bright pink stationary. Surely we were officially bosom buddies. I could totally trust her. I opened up about the details of my teenager life in that letter including who I liked and why.
The next day I saw a large group of boys huddled in a circle at lunch. Some of them were my friends, all of them were popular, and one of them was my crush. They were laughing and I was curious what was so funny. I walked up and joined the circle with a smile, “What’s so…” I didn’t even have to finish the sentence. Things went into slow motion as I saw what everyone was laughing at. Right in my crush’s hand was a piece of my signature bright pink stationary. I didn’t wait for a response. I was horrified. I grabbed my letter, ran to the girl’s bathroom, locked myself in a stall, recalled everything I had written, and cried.
I feel like I just described a scene from a teenager movie; but that was my real life. Thank goodness I’m not a teenager anymore! I did make a full recovery from that humiliation if you wanted to know. I didn’t even retaliate towards the “friend” who gave my crush the letter; though at one point I may have wished for her hair to fall out and zits to cover her face. But, all this is beside the point.
The real point is the important lesson I started to learn that day. A lesson in trust, true friendship, and who we should really be turning to. I was much more cautious about who I shared things with from then on.
Fast forward several years and I am blessed have many friends who are dear to me but when it comes to people who know just about everything there is to know about me, I keep that circle VERY small. I mean, I can’t have everybody knowing exactly how flawed I am right? 😉
What about you? How many people in your life would you go to for anything? How many people would you feel comfortable talking to without holding ANYTHING back? I think for most of us that number is small. For me, it is my husband, my mom, and a friend I’ve had for 23 years.
Every time I had a dilemma, a bad day, an awesome day, a decision to make, my knee jerk reaction was to pick up the phone or go sit and talk with one of my trusted friends.
Then something changed.
I was going through an especially difficult transition in life. A lot was changing around me and nothing was normal anymore. Have you ever been in that space where you can’t find your normal? It isn’t super fun.
So many things that I had found fulfillment in, that defined me for so many years were no longer there. I felt lost. I needed direction like never before and I felt like my thoughts were in constant turmoil.
Who did I turn to? Well, the trusted people in my life of course. Yes, I prayed and read scriptures as I looked for direction but I felt the constant need to talk things out with someone to try to find clarity.
One day as I flopped on the couch in discouragement I did what felt the most natural to me; I picked up my phone to call a friend. She always had great advice. As I swiped to unlock my phone the words came clearly to my mind, “Ask me.”
I hesitantly put my phone down. “Ask me?” I prayed morning and night. I spoke to my Heavenly Father. I asked Him questions. I asked for blessings. Wasn’t I already asking?
It happened to me again just a couple of days later. It was about the same scenario but this time I got up to walk down the hallway and talk to my mom. I was halfway to her door when I was stopped in my tracks. “Ask ME.” Why was this request so hard for me? Did I not trust in my ability to receive the exact guidance I needed from my Heavenly Father?
The image of some daisies growing on the north side of my house came to my mind. The sun never hits them directly. If they want the sun they have to turn and reach towards the light. They won’t survive without light and so they do what they need to. Hence, all of my daisies are growing sideways.
They don’t question nature, they obey. They don’t try something else that takes less effort in hopes that it will work better. They know if they don’t seek the sun, they will die.
And so, they seek.
Clearly I needed to learn something from my daisies.
“Ask me.”
Those two words started to change me. I had to be honest with myself. Is there anything or anyone I turn to MORE than I turn to the Lord? Is there anything or anyone I rely on IN PLACE of relying on my creator?
Of anyone He is the one that knows EVERYTHING about me. There is nothing I can hide from Him. He knows more about me than I do. Because of this He has better advice, better answers than anyone could possibly give me. Not that anything is wrong with turning to friends and loved ones when we need advice but when we aren’t turning to the Lord with as much devotion, we are missing something wonderful and powerful.
“Yea, at that day, will they not receive the strength and nourishment from the true vine?” 1 Nephi 15:15 Book of Mormon
I read that scripture in the days that followed and its power struck me. Have you ever read a scripture and all other words disappear on the page? Your eyes can’t move and you know you are reading something the Lord wants to sink deeply into your heart.
All these experiences helped me realize that was trusting in my relationships with other people more than my relationship with the Lord. In my desire to always have at least one friend I could share anything with, I forgot about the most important friend I could choose. I could have a deep and satisfying friendship with my Heavenly Father if I would turn to Him with as much effort as I gave to others.
I thought I was turning to the Lord before but I hadn’t even scratched the surface.
I was asking but not seeking, not waiting for an answer. I wanted immediate answers and comfort I would get from talking to someone over the phone or sitting next to me.
It was easy to ask my questions but FULLY EXPECTING AN ANSWER was a lot harder. What if He didn’t answer? Maybe I knew He could help me with small things but what about the big things I needed? Did I have enough faith for the Lord to help me those?
The only way to know was to act. I’m still on my journey but I can tell you now that the Lord always has the perfect answer and He WILL answer. He does answer the big questions. Don’t just expect the Lord to do the simple things like help you find your lost keys. There is a lot more He will help you with if you’ll ask. As you act your faith will grow and you will be able to find the help and answers you seek. It may not be what you were expecting and it may not come when you were hoping, but it is always exactly right.
From they day you were born there exists a light in you that seeks the light it came from. At first you may not know it or understand it but it’s existence doesn’t depend on your knowing. Seek the light of Christ. There is not a better friend you could possibly choose. He will never betray you. He will always lead to exactly where you need to be.
